KHASIAT BUAT KRANBERI

Kranberi atau nama saintifiknya vaccinium macrocarpon bukan sahaja sedap dimakan tapi mempunyai khasiat  pemakanan mahu khasiat ubatannya yang tersendiri. Dikatakan bahawa pemgembara Eropah yang menjelajah Benua Amerika pada zaman dahulu boleh hidup dengan hanya berbekalkan buah kranberi kering dalam perjalanan mereka. Amalan ini menunjukkan bahawa mereka sedar akan khasiat dan kuasa penyembuhan yang terdapat pada buah kranberi.

Pokok kranberi adalah pokok renek yang tumbuh secara liar di dalam kawasan hutan. Daunnya berbentuk bujur dan berwarna hijau kuat pada bahagian atas daun manakala bahagian bawah daun berwarna hijau kekelabuan.

Apabila pokok ini berbunga pada pertengahan musim panas, ia mengeluarkan bunga berwarna merah jambu yang tumbuh secara berasingan atau dalam kumpulan pada putik berasingan. Buah kranberi berwarna merah tua boleh dipetik pada awal musim bunga. Buah ini berbentuk bulat manakala bahagian hujung buah berntuk bujur telur. Buahnya lebih besar daripada blackcurrent.

Buah kranberi besar adalah dari jenis Amerika, kaya dengan pektin dan amat sesuai dikeringkan sekali gus memastikan kehilangan khasiatnya pada tahap minimum. Perkara ini jugalah yang telah membuatkan kranberi menjadi buah yang amat berguna buat penjelajah dan pemgembara pada zaman dahulu. Buah kranberi diselaputi lapisan seperti lilin yang membantu buah ini tahan lebih lama serta memperlahankan proses kerosakannya.

Buah kranberi kaya sumber vitamin C, mineral dan serat, serta astringen kuat dengan kandungan asid tinggi dan gula asli yang rendah. Buahnya juga rendah karbohidrat. Setengah cawan kranberi dikatakan hanya mempunyai empat gram karbohidrat dan dua gram serat di mana 1/3 daripada adalah serat larut. Buah kranberi juga adalah sumber kalsium, magnesium, kalium dan fosforus, serta vitamin A, vitamin B1 thiamin, vitamin B2 Riboflavin, dan vitamin B2 niasin kompleks.

CEGAH JANGKITAN SALURAN KENCING DAN BATU KARANG

Dikatakan antara khasiat ubatan kranberi adalah untuk mencegah dan melegakan gejala-gejala jangkitan saluran kencing. Disebabkan oleh kebaikan inilah ramai wanita yang mengamalkan amalan meminum jus kranberi untuk merawat masalah jangkitan saluran kencing.

Malah terdapat kajian yang menunjukkan bahawa sebatian yang terdapat dalam kranberi boleh mencegah bakteria seperti E-coli daripada melekat pada sel-sel di sekitar dinding saluran kencing dan menyebabkan jangkitan. Buah kranberi juga amat baik dimakan oleh wanita hamil. Kandungan vitamin C yang tinggi dalam buah ini menjadikan buah ini boleh dijadikan sebagai buah pilihan bagi mencegah jangkitan pundi kencing dan sistitis.

Kandungan asid quinik dalam kranberi dikatakan mampu mengurangkan kalsium berion sekali gus mengurangkan risiko pembentukan batu karang. Ini bermakna jus kranberi amat bagus dalam mencegah masalah pembentukan batu karang. Meminum jus kranberi dalam jumlah yang kecil dalam masa beberapa kali seminggu dikatakan mampu melindungi diri daripada mengalami masalah sembelit dan juga diarea. namun begitu jangan meminum terlampau banyak kerana sepeti juga buah lain, pemgambilan berlebihan mampu membawa kepada masalah sakit perut.

 

RANGSANGAN KULIT LEBIH CERAH DAN MUDA

Buah kranberi juga mengandungi sejumlah bahan sebatian flavanoid dan polyphenolic. Flavonoid dikatakan berfungsi sebagai antioksidan dan mengurangkan risiko atherosclerosis. Penyelidikan berterusan juga mencadangkan bahawa kranberi menawarkan pertahanan semula jadi menentang atherosclerosis. Pemgambilan buah kranberi dikatakan mampu mengurangkan risiko penyakit jantung.

Radikal bebas merosakkan kolagen dalam kulit kemudian menyebabkan kulit wajah berkedut, hilang kelenturan, kusam, serta menjadi kemera-merahan. Buah kranberi mengandungi nilai kandungan kemampuan penyerapan radikal oksigen atau ORAC yang amat tinggi. Pengambilan kranberi dikatakan mampu merangsang kulit yang lebih cerah dan nampak lebih muda.

Bukan itu sahaja kebaikan buah kranberi, ia juga mampu mencegah bakteria daripada melekat pada gigi sekali gus menjadikan gigi berada dalam keadaan bersih dengan lebih lama. Buah kranberi dikatakan mempunyai  kuasa bagi memusnahkan bakteria berbau busuk yang terbina di dalam mulut dan membawa kepada nafas berbau.

Buah kranberi juga bagus untuk kanak-kanak kerana ia dikatakan mampu membantu menguatkan dan menyihatkan pembesaran otot dan tulang, menjaga kulit dan mengurangkan risiko jangkitan. Khasiat buah kranberi juga dikatakan dapat meminimumkan kesan kebanyakan penyakit berkaitan dengan kanak-kanak.

Walaupun terdapat pelbagai khasiat dan kebaikan buah kranberi, namun begitu penggunaannya perlulah mendapat nasihat pengamal perubatan terlebih dahulu bagi mengelakkan kemudaratan di kemudian hari.

Nenda Ku

Pada 21hb November 2010 kembalinya Nendaku ke Rahmatullah. Semoga rohnya dicucuri rahmat dan ditempatkan dalam golongan yang beriman. Al Fatihah...

DISIRAM MINYAK HITAM

JOHOR BAHRU: Hasrat seorang wanita memutuskan hubungan cinta dengan kekasihnya bertukar mimpi ngeri apabila dia bukan saja dibelasah di sebuah rumah di Kulai, malah turut dimandikan dengan minyak hitam oleh teman lelakinya itu.
Dalam kejadian kira-kira jam 12 tengah hari Ahad lalu, lelaki terbabit hilang pertimbangan selepas mangsa yang tawar hati dengannya menyatakan hasrat berkenaan.
Berdasarkan laporan polis, mangsa dibelasah menggunakan kayu di belakang badannya selain disepak beberapa kali sehingga tersungkur.

Tanpa menghiraukan rintihan dan rayuan mangsa supaya tidak diperlakukan sedemikian, suspek yang berusia 18 tahun memijak badan gadis berkenaan sambil menarik rambutnya.
Suspek menyimbah minyak hitam ke atas mangsa selain melumur cecair terbabit di mukanya.

Mangsa cuba melarikan diri, tetapi gagal dan akibatnya dia dihumban ke dalam rumah dan ‘dihukum’ lebih teruk lagi oleh suspek.

Dalam laporannya, mangsa mengatakan kejadian itu bukan pertama kali menimpa dirinya, malah suspek kerap bertindak ganas setiap kali mereka bertengkar.

Mangsa mendakwa suspek turut mengugut hendak menikamnya jika membuat laporan polis berkaitan kejadian.

Ketua Polis Daerah Kulaijaya, Superintendan Zulkefly Yahya ketika dihubungi mengesahkan menerima laporan polis mangsa, kelmarin.

“Kertas siasatan sudah dibuka dan kami mengesan lokasi remaja lelaki terbabit untuk direkodkan kenyataan bagi membantu siasatan.

“Kes disiasat mengikut Seksyen 506 Kanun Keseksaan kerana melakukan ugutan jenayah dan orang ramai yang mempunyai maklumat berkaitan lokasi suspek diminta menghubungi balai polis berhampiran,” katanya.

Kanser Lidah

KANSER LIDAH PEROKOK LEBIH BERISIKO

Kanser lidah adalah sejenis kanser yang bukannya jarang berlaku dalam praktis Otorinolarigologi. Golongan yang berusia antara 50 hingga 70 tahun kerap dtemui menghidapi kanser lidah. Suatu masa dahulu ia kerap terjadi pada golongan lelaki, mungkin berkait dengan tabiat merokok dan pengambilan alkohol. Walau bagaimanapun, tidak kurang kesnya dijumpai di kalangan wanita atau pesakit yang berusia lebih muda.

FAKTOR PENYEBAB

Disebabkan lidah adalah komponen utama yang terdpt dalam rongga mulut, fakto-faktor yang menyebabkan berlakunya kanser lidah juga ada persamaan dengan punca yang dikaitkan dengan kanser lain seperti bibir, pipi, lelangit, gusi dan lantai mulut.

MEROKOK:-

Risiko kanser rongga mulut secara amnya meningkat enam kali ganda di kalangan perokok jika dibandingakan dengan mereka yang tidak merokok. Selain itu, merokok juga sememangnya dikenal pasti menjadi faktor utama kes-kes kanser peti suara, paru-paru dan banyak lagi organ lain di dalam badan.

ALKOHOL:-

Selepas rokok, pengambilan alkohol adalah antara faktor boleh ubah yang dikenal pasti meningkatkan risiko mendapat kanser rongga mulut. kombinasi antara merokok dan mengambil alkohol akan memberikan kesan sinergi yang menambahkan lagi kemungkinan mendapat kanser.

MENGUNYAH TEMBAKAU:-

Amalan ini menjadi kelaziman bagi sesetengah etnik atau bangsa. Tembakau dikunyah dan dikemam di dalam bahagian rongga mulut.

MASALAH GIGI:-

Penjagaan gigi yang tidak bersih, wujudnya bahagian gigi yang tajam serta gigi palsu yang tidak dipadankan dengan baik akan menyebabkan iritasi berterusan dan berpanjangan terhadap struktur-struktur di sekitarnya termasuklah lidah. Umpamanya, lidah yang selalu tercedera baik akibat gigi yang tajam atau gigi palsu yang tidak sesuai mungkin meningkatkan risiko ketumbuhan yang berbahaya.

FAKTOR LAIN:-

Masalah kekurangan zat seperti diet yang kekurangan sesetengah vitamin adalah antara kebarangkalian yang dikaji boleh meningkatkan risiko kanser. Selain itu, anemia kekurangan zat besi seperti dalam kes Sindrom Plummer-Vinson juga dikaitkan dengan kejadian kanser rongga mulut dan hipofarinks.

Kanser lidah juga boleh muncul daripada kesan keadaan leukoplakia pada lidah, ulser yang kronik atau keadaan pramalignan lidah yang lain. Kebanyakan keadaan pra-malignan yang terdapat pada lidah juga disebabkan oleh faktor yang sama, iaitu merokok.

PENYEBARAN

Majoriti kanser lidah ialah dari jenis karsinoma sela skuama, yang merupakan jenis kanser yang paling kerap menyerang mana-mana lokasi dalam bahagian kepala dan leher. Pada lidah itu sendiri, bahagian yang paling kerap ialah pada bahagian tepi kanan dan kiri lidah (85%). Kadang-kadang ia boleh ditemui di hujung paling hadapan (tip) atau permukaan atas (dorsium) serta permukaan bawah lidah (ventral).

Lidah adalah antara organ yang cepat merebak jika kanser bermula darinya. Penyebaran boleh berlaku ke lapisan otot yang merupakan komponen utama lidah itu sendiri, juga tidak kurang penyebarannya melibatkan struktur di sebelahnya seperti lantai mulut, gusi dan tulang rahang bawah. Disebabkan lidah adalah suatu struktur di tengah rongga mulut, ia boleh dan mudah merebakkan sel kanser ke kelenjar-kelenjar limfa di leher, baik sebelah sahaja atau kedua-dua belah leher.

TANDA DAN GEJALA

Pesakit yang menghidapi kanser lidah biasanya datang berjumpa doktor dengan tanda seperti ketumbuhan atau benjolan pada permukaan lidah, ulser atau luka pada lidah yang berpanjangan tempohnya atau rasa keras seperti ketulan yang berada di bawah permukaan lidah. Apabila ketumbuhan semakin membesar, gejala seperti sakit, sukar menelan, sakit telinga dan bau nafas yang kurang menyenangkan akan timbul. Pergerakan lidah juga mungkin terbatas disebabkan oleh sebahagian daripada ketumbuhan tersebut telah merebak ke lantai mulut dan menyebabkan ia menjadi melekat.

RAWATAN

Setelah mengambil contoh tisu kanser tersebut melalui biopsi tisu, penyiasatan radiologi seperti imbasan CT atau MRI diperlukan untuk menilai dan menentukan peringkat kanser tersebut. Ini penting kerana tahap yang berbeza mempunyai pendekatan dan hasil yang berbeza selepas rawatan. Ujian-ujian tambahan juga mungkin diperlukan bergantung kepada bentuk rawatan yang akan dijalankan. Kanser pada peringkat awal boleh dirawat dengan pembedahan membuang ketumbuhan tersebut. Kaedah meletakkan impan yang mengeluarkan radiasi (intersititial radiotherapy) juga diaplikasikan bagi sesetengah pesakit yang bersesuaian. Kanser yang agak besar saiznya pula mungkin memerlukan pembedahan yang lebih besar terhadap lidah dan leher. Biasanya bagi pembedahan yang agak besar, akan disusuli proses rekonstruktur iaitu membiak pulih struktur yang tertinggal dengan kaedah-kaedah yang sesuai (biasanya dilakukan oleh pakar bedah plastik dan rekonstruktur). Selain itu, rawatan kemoterapi, radioterapi atau kombinasi yang sesuai dengan keaadan tahap pesakit mungkin diperlukan bagi memastikan keseluruhan sel-sel kanser itu dihapuskan dari badan pesakit.

Tersedak susu

KUALA LUMPUR: Seorang bayi lelaki berusia tujuh bulan mati dipercayai tersedak susu ketika dalam jagaan pengasuhnya di Taman Melati, Wangsa Maju, di sini, semalam.

Dalam kejadian kira-kira jam 1 tengah hari itu, bayi berkenaan, Yusuf Razzin, dihantar pengasuhnya ke Hospital Kuala Lumpur (HKL) dalam keadaan tidak sedarkan diri.


Sumber berkata, pihak hospital cuba membuat bantuan pernafasan selama 35 minit dengan menggunakan injap pernafasan ke atas mangsa, tetapi tidak berjaya.

“Bayi itu disahkan meninggal dunia ketika dalam perjalanan ke hospital. Bagaimanapun, punca kematiannya masih tidak diketahui kerana bapa mangsa yang bekerja sebagai setiausaha menolak untuk melakukan bedah siasat ke atas mayat anaknya itu,” katanya.


Katanya, bapa bayi lelaki berusia 29 tahun itu juga tidak akan mengambil tindakan perundangan kepada pengasuhnya selepas menyedari tubuh badan anaknya itu bebas daripada kesan lebam atau tanda seperti didera. Difahamkan, bayi itu yang tidur selepas diberi susu dan beberapa minit kemudian, pengasuh berkenaan mendapati bayi itu tidak sedarkan diri sebelum menghantarnya ke HKL untuk rawatan. Sementara itu, Ketua Polis Sentul, Asisten Komisioner Zakaria Pagan mengesahkan menerima laporan kes terbabit.


“Pemeriksaan doktor mendapati tiada kesan kecederaan pada bayi berkenaan dan bayi itu mati dipercayai akibat lemas. Kami mengklasifikasikan kematian bayi itu sebagai kematian mengejut,” katanya. Sebelum ini, sepasang suami isteri kematian anak berusia sembilan bulan pada 20 September lalu, dipercayai tersedak susu ketika dalam jagaan di pusat asuhan di Presint 18, Putrajaya.

MANGGIS BANTU CEGAH PERTUMBUHAN SEL KANSER

Selama berkurun, masyarakat yang tinggal di Asia Tenggara memakan buah manggis disebabkan rasanya yg sedap dan kerana mempercayai bahawa buah ini mampu merangsang kesihatan tubuh. Dikenali juga dengan nama botaninya Garcinia Mangostana, buah manggis telah digunakan untuk tujuan ubatan seawal 600 thn masihi.

Dipercayai bahawa manggis berasal dari Kepulauan Sunda dan Moluccas di Indonesia. Pokok manggis boleh mencapai ketinggian dari 7 hingga 25 kaki tinggi. Kulit buah manggis berwarna ungu kemerahan apabila masak. Rasa isinya yang lembut dan manis memang sedap dimakan pada bila-bila masa.

Terdapat byk khasiat dan kebaikan manggis terhadap kesihatan tubuh. Kandungan flavanoid dan flavon di dalam isi buahnya dikatakan mampu merangsang antioksidan lain termasuk vitamin C dan E. Ini sekali gus menguatkan sistem imun tubuh. Dari hasil suatu penyelidikan, buah asli Asia Tenggara, buah ini dikatakan dapat menghasilkan xanthone iaitu zat yang terbentuk dari hasil penyisihan kulit buah manggis. Xanthone mempunyai aktiviti antiinflamasi dan antioksidan.

Terdapat kira-kira 6 hingga 10 % xanthone daripada kira-kira 20 jenis yang berbza. Xanthone ini terdapat dalam bahagian berbeza pada keseluruhan manggis, tidak kiralah sama ada dalam isinya, pada bijinya atau kulitnya. Antara 10% xanthones, kira-kira 95% xanthones dijumpai dalam bahagian kulit dan biji.

Alpa-mangostin dan gamma-mangostin yg terdpt dlm xanthone dipercayai memiliki kemampuan mencegah pelbagai penyakit serta mempunyai kesan anti radang lebih baik daripada ubat anti inflamasi lain.

Xanthone jenis ini juga dikatakan mampu menghindarkan pelbagai penyakit yang disebabkan oleh peradangan seperti Artritis dan Alzheime serta bermanfaat mencegah pertumbuhan sel kanser dan tumor. Kandungan dengan alpa-mangostin dan gamma-mangostin pada buah manggis juga bersifat sebagai anti bakteria.

Manggis juga mempunyai Cathechins Polifenol dan Polisakanida yang berkesan untuk menjadi agen antioksida semulajadi dan juga bahan anti bakteria dan anti kulat. Selain itu, buah manggis juga mengandungi zati besi, niasin, kalsium, protein, serat, vitamin B1 dan B2.

Isi buah manggis selamat dimakan kerana ia tidak mengandungi sebarang pengawet mahupun gula yang telah ditambah. Hakikatnya, gula yang terdapat di dalam minuman jus manggis adalah jenis fruktosa iaitu gula semula jadi yang diperolehi dalam buah. Terdapat juga kandungan kalium (potassium)iaitu kira-kira 210 miligram per 100 gram.

BANTU STABIL SISTEM PENCERNAAN

Pengambilan kira-kira 30 ml jus manggis setiap hari dikatakan mampu membantu kesihatan tubuh. Sistem percernaan anda lebih stabil dan tubuh mampu mendapat penyerapan zat yang lebih baik. Jus manggis memberi tenaga pada sistem peredaran dan dikatakan mampu membantu menghapuskan kolesterol jahat pada tubuh dengan kandungan asid amino perlu.

Selain isi buah manggis yang banyak khasiat, bahagian lain juga boleh digunakan untuk tujuan ubatan. Kulit buah manggis telah digunakan secara meluas di India sebagai ubat cirit-birit. Kulit buah manggis sekitar suku inci tebal dan mengandungi astringen.

Masyarakat Cina menggunakan kulit pokok manggis bagi mengubat cirit-birit. Kulit buah manggis yang telah direbus dikatakan mampu dijadikan ubat sapu bagi melegakan masalah sistitis, gonorea dan gleet (discaj mucus bernanah daripada penis atau vagina akibat daripada gonorea kronik). Manakala kulit buah manggis yang telah direndam semalaman dikatakan mampu dijadikan sebagai ramuan masalah cirit-birit kronik.

Hirisan kulit manggis kering yang telah dijadikan serbuk boleh digunakan sebagai ubat disenteri (jangkitan trek usus yang menyebabkan cirit-birit yang teruk diiringi darah dan pengeluaran mukus). Ramuan serbuk kulit manggis  yang telah dijadikan minyak pula dikatakan mampu dijadikan sebagai ubat sapu masalah kulit seperti ekzema.

Daun dan kulit pokok manggis pula dikatakan boleh dijadikan sebagai ramuan bagi merawat masalah jangkitan seriawan, cirit-birit, disenteri dan masalah urinari. Air rebusan akar pokok manggis pula dikatakan boleh digunakan sebagai ubat bagi mengatur haid. Ekstrak kulit yang dikenali sebagai 'amibiasine' pula dikatakan mampu dijadikan ubat bagi rawatan ameba disenteri.

Walaupun terdapat pelbagai khasiat manggis, namun begitu penggunaannya perlulah mendapat nasihat pengamal perubatan terlebih dahulu bagi mengelakkan kemudaratan di kemudian hari kelak.

Act Like A Lady Think Like A Man

OUR LOVE ISN'T LIKE YOUR LOVE

Nothing on this planet can compare with a woman’s

love—it is kind and compassionate, patient and nurturing,

generous and sweet and unconditional. Pure.

If you are her man, she will walk on water and through a

mountain for you, too, no matter how you’ve acted out, no

matter what crazy thing you’ve done, no matter the time or

demand. If you are her man, she will talk to you until there just

aren’t any more words left to say, encourage you when you’re

at rock bottom and think there just isn’t any way out, hold you

in her arms when you’re sick, and laugh with you when you’re

up. And if you’re her man and that woman loves you—I mean

really loves you?—she will shine you up when you’re dusty,

encourage you when you’re down, defend you even when she’s

not so sure you were right, and hang on your every word, even

when you’re not saying anything worth listening to. And no

matter what you do, no matter how many times her friends say

you’re no good, no matter how many times you slam the door

on the relationship, she will give you her very best and then

some, and keep right on trying to win over your heart, even

when you act like everything she’s done to convince you she’s

The One just isn’t good enough.

That’s a woman’s love—it stands the test of time, logic, and

all circumstance.

And this is exactly how you all expect us men to love you in

return. Ask any woman what kind of love she wants from a

man, and it will sound something like this: I want him to be

humble and smart, fun and romantic, sensitive and gentle, and,

above all, supportive. I want him to look in my eyes and tell me

I’m beautiful and that I complete him. I want a man who is

vulnerable enough to cry when he’s hurting, who will introduce

me to his mother with a smile on his face, who loves children

and animals, and who is willing to change diapers and wash

dishes and do it all without me having to ask. And if he has a

nice body and a lot of money and expensive shoes without

scuffs, that would be great, too. Amen.

Well, I’m here to tell you that expecting that kind of love—

that perfection—from a man is unrealistic. That’s right, I said

it—it’s not gonna happen, no way, no how. Because a man’s

love isn’t like a woman’s love.

Don’t get it confused, now—I’m not saying that we’re not

capable of loving. I’m just saying that a man’s love is different—

much more simple, direct, and probably a little harder to come

by. I’ll tell you this much: a man who is in love with you is

probably not going to call you every half hour and give you an

update on how much more he loves you at 5:30 P.M. than he did

at 5:00 P.M.; he’s not going to sit around stroking your hair and

wiping your brow with cold compresses while you sip hot tea

and nurse yourself back to health.

His love is still love, though.

It’s just different from the love that women give and, in a lot

of cases, want.

I argue that if you simply recognize how, exactly, a man

loves, you might find that the man standing in front of you is,

indeed, giving you his all and then some. How do you know

when a man loves you? Simple: he will do each of the following

three things.

P

If your man loves you, he’s willing to tell anybody and everybody,

“Look, man, this is my woman” or “this is my girl,”

“my baby’s mama,” or “my lady.” In other words, you will have

a title—an official one that far extends beyond “this is my

friend,” or “this is__________ (insert your name here).” That’s

because a man who has placed you in the most special part of

his heart—the man who truly has feelings for you—will give

you a title. That title is his way of letting everyone within the

sound of his voice know that he’s proud of being with you, and

that he has plans for you. He sees himself in a long-term, committed

relationship with you, and he’s professing it for all to

hear because he’s serious about this thing—it may be the beginning

of something special.

A man who professes you as his own is also saying in not so

many words that he’s claiming you—that you are his. Now he’s

put everyone on notice. Any man who hears another man say,

“this is my lady,” knows that whatever games/tricks/plans/

schemes he may have had in mind for the pretty, sexy lady

standing in front of him need to be shelved until the next single

woman comes in the room, because another man has professed

out loud that “this one is mine and she’s not available for anything

you were plotting and planning.” It’s a special signal we

men all recognize and respect as the universal code for “offlimits.”

If he introduces you as his “friend,” or by your name, have

no doubt that’s all you are. He doesn’t think any more of you

than that. In your heart of hearts, ladies, you all know this.

Indeed, when I explained this to a friend of mine, she just

laughed and laughed because she could identify with it—saw it

up close at an annual Christmas dinner she’s been attending

with her family and some close friends for going on twelve

years. One guy, she said, would show up every year with a new

chick—each one prettier than the last—and a new story about

his job or his vacation or his new business venture or whatever.

While the stories and the women kept changing, the one thing

that remained constant was this: none of those women ever got

introduced as his girlfriend or lady. They were always, without

hesitation, presented by their name. Period. And then he would

spend the rest of the night cuddling a hard drink and catching

up with old friends and colleagues, leaving her to sit at the table

by herself, looking out of place and ridiculous in her fancy

dress, trying her best to fit in. Everyone at the table pretty much

knew that the moment the couple hit the door and went on

their way, none of the regular party attendees would ever see

her with him again.

Then one recent Christmas party, he showed up with a new

woman—his fingers all intertwined with hers, both of them

smiling like Cheshire cats. He introduced her as his “lady,” and

instantly, everyone knew what was up. But it wasn’t just because

of the title he’d assigned; it was because of the actions

behind it. He was holding her hand, looking directly at her

when he talked to her, introducing her around to everyone—

from the business folks to his really good friends—running to

the bar to get drinks for her, and dancing with her like he didn’t

want the night to end. And when everyone left that evening,

they all knew they’d be seeing that woman again, fingers intertwined

with the hitherto eternal playboy bachelor, one who

changed women as often as Diana Ross changes costumes at a

concert.

And wouldn’t you know it? When they came back to that

same function the next year, she had a new title: fiancée. For

sure, she was in this man’s plans.

So, if you’ve been dating a guy for at least ninety days and

you’ve never met his mother, you don’t go to church together,

you haven’t been around his family or his friends, and he took you

to a networking/job/social function and introduced you by your

name, then you’re not in his plans—he doesn’t see you in his future.

But the minute he assigns a title—the moment he lays claim to

you in front of people who mean something to him in his life,

whether it’s his boy, his sister, or his boss—that’s the minute

you know your man is making a statement. He is professing his

intentions for you—and professing them to the people who

need to know that information. A profession is key—you will

know if a man is serious about you once he claims you.

P

Once we’ve claimed you, and you’ve returned the honor, we’re

going to start bringing home the bacon. Simply put, a man who

loves you will bring that money home to make sure that you and

the kids have what you all need. That is our role—our purpose.

Society has told us men for millennium that our primary function

is to make sure our families are set—whether we’re alive or dead,

the people we love need want for nothing. This is the very core

of manhood—to be the provider. That’s what it’s all about. (Okay,

there are a few other things; for example, how well you’re endowed—

and I’m not talking financially—and how well can you

provide—now, I am talking financially.) If a man is in a position

of being questioned about whether he’s able to provide, financially

and otherwise, for the ones he loves, you might as well drop-kick

his ego into an early grave. The more he can provide for his

woman and his kids, the bigger and more alive he feels. Sounds

simplistic, but that is the reality.

As a provider, a man pays the bills that have to be paid—the

rent, the heat and light bill, the car note; he buys groceries; he

pays school tuition; and he takes care of other household expenditures.

He will not spend his money on trifling things and

come to you with what’s left, and he will not selfishly give you

a little cut and take the rest for himself. And a man who truly

loves you would never make you ask for money for necessities—

he would make sure that you need and mostly want for nothing,

because every pat on the back he gets for bringing more

money into the house, every kiss he gets for handing over cash

for school clothes and supplies and toys, every bit of appreciation

he gets for keeping the lights and cable on, boosts his prowess

as a man. That’s why, if he’s a real man, he will always put

buying something for himself far below his responsibility to

provide for his family. His need for another set of golf clubs or

expensive shoes or a fancy car or anything else men like to

spend their money on will pale in comparison to providing for

loved ones, because those golf clubs can’t make him square his

shoulders the way true appreciation from a woman can. Consequently,

everything he does is going to be about trying to make

sure the woman he loves has what she needs.

Now I know that expecting a man to care for you financially,

no questions asked, in an age in which women have been

raised to be financially independent of men gives you pause;

if you’ve been taught all your life to go dutch on your dates

and pull out your own checkbook when it comes to paying

your bills, and you’ve been repeatedly told that you can’t

depend on a man to do anything for you, then it’s understandable

why you can’t wrap your mind around this simple concept.

But remember what drives a man; real men do what they have

to do to make sure their people are taken care of, clothed,

housed, and reasonably satisfied, and if they’re doing anything

less than that, they’re not men—or shall we say, he’s not your

man, because he will eventually do this for someone’s daughter,

maybe not you.

For sure, all too many men shirk this responsibility, whether

out of selfishness, stupidity, or sheer inability or a combination

of all three. But some men simply do not have the education,

resources, and wherewithal to make an adequate amount of hard

cash. And if a man can’t provide, then he doesn’t feel like a man,

so he flees to escape the horrible feelings of inadequacy, or he’s

going to bury those feelings in drugs and alcohol. Indeed, you

can probably trace a whole host of the pathologies exhibited by

the most trifling of men back to their inability to provide. Some

try to use crime to make up for it (clearly, our prisons tell us

that’s not working); some use drugs (our street corners tell us

that’s not working, either); some just run (the numbers of women

raising kids alone, and falling into poverty because of it, tell us

that’s definitely not working). But ask any one of those men

who aren’t doing right by themselves or the ones they love what

they regret most, and I’ll bet you a majority of them will say the

same thing: they wish they had the ability to provide.

Of course, some men simply refuse to share the money in

their pockets with their women. As some rap songs and hiphop

magazines tell you, these men feel they’re being “played”

if they provide anything of monetary value to the opposite sex.

Some men even label any and every woman who expects her

intended to provide for her the very handy, decisively ugly

phrase gold digger. Oh, when it comes to women, that phrase

gets tossed around these days like dough in a New York City

pizza parlor. In fact, men have set it up so well that we’ve got

women thinking that if they remotely expect a man to pay for

their dinner, or buy them a drink at the bar, or set any financial

requirements for their man, then they’re gold diggers.

I’m here to tell you, though, ladies, that the term “gold

digger” is one of the traps we men set to keep you off our

money trail; we created that term for you so that we can have

all of our money and still get everything we want from you

without you asking for or expecting this very basic, instinctual

responsibility that men all over the world are obligated to

assume and embrace. It’s a “get-over” term, ladies—one that

has a very legitimate premise (there are, of course, women who

date and marry men solely for the cold, hard cash), but one that

has been wrongly and almost universally applied to any woman

who has made clear that she expects her man to fulfill his duty

as a man. Know this: It is your right to expect that a man will pay for

your dinner, your movie ticket, your club entry fee, or whatever else he

has to pay for in exchange for your time. You all have to stop this

foolishness with the “I pay for my dinner so he knows I don’t

need him” approach. As I point out in the next chapter, “The

Three Things Every Man Needs: Support, Loyalty, and the

Cookie,” a man—a real one, anyway—wants to feel needed.

And the easiest way to help him get that high is to let him provide

for you. This is only fair.

And if he loves you? Oh, he’s going to bring every cent

home to you. He’s not going to come back from gambling all

his money away, saying, “Here’s $100—that’s all I got this

week.” He’s going to come straight home with that check, and

if there’s anything left over after he takes care of each and every

one of your needs, well, then he’ll play. This is man business,

baby. It’s how we do.

Now, there are different ways to provide besides monetarily.

Your man could be broke, but he’s going to do everything

within his power to make up for this by supplying your needs

in other tangible ways. If you’re running low on groceries, he

may not be able to give you money to go to the store, but he

might have a little extra something in his refrigerator and pantry

to hold you over until he can give you a couple of dollars. In

other words, he’s not going to let you go hungry. If your car is

broken down, he may not be able to pay for a mechanic, but he

can call his buddies over to help him move your ride to the side

of the road and give you rides to work until he figures out how

to pay for your car to get fixed. If you need some pictures hung,

and the sink unclogged, and a new garage door installed, a man

who loves you will climb up a twenty-foot ladder to get that

picture up on the wall, put a bucket down to catch the overflowing

water from the sink while he goes to find the right part

he needs to fix the pipes, and pore through the instruction

manual for hours to figure out how to get that garage door in.

Providing for the ones he loves and cares about, whether it’s

monetarily or with sweat equity, is a part of a man’s DNA, and

if he loves and cares for you, this man will provide for you all

these things with no limits.

P

When a man truly loves you, anybody who says, does, suggests,

or even thinks about doing something offensive to you stands

the risk of being obliterated. Your man will destroy anything and

everything in his path to make sure that whoever disrespected

you pays for it. This is his nature. You pick most any male species

on the planet, and the same is true: no one is going to disrespect

their family without paying a cost—or at least putting

up a serious fight. This is innate—recognized and respected

from the first relationship that a boy has, that relationship being

with his mother. He may not know what unconditional love is

yet, but a boy child will never (a)admit that his mother is

capable of making mistakes, or (b) let someone say or do something

to his mother. This is taught to males practically from the

womb—cover your mother, protect her, don’t let anybody say

anything about her or do anything to her, and if they do, let

them know it’s time to take it outside. This is most certainly the

way it was taught in my house, too. I remember distinctly when

I was a little boy, probably around age eight or so, standing

there waiting for my mother to pull on her coat for our bus ride

downtown. My father came in the room and said, very simply,

“You and your mother are going downtown—watch out for

your mother.” That was rule number one in my father’s house:

Do not come back in this house without your mother and your

sisters. You might as well kill yourself or get on a bus and go

somewhere else, but don’t come back without your mother and

the girls. Now, I knew good and hell well that if anybody so

much as raised a finger to my mother, I wouldn’t be able to do

anything about it—that she was really taking care of me on that

bus. But, buddy, I’d be on the bus and in the store with my

little chest stuck out, swearing I was doing something to protect

my family.

Because that was what I was supposed to do.

Indeed, that is what every man is supposed to—and is willing

to do—for the people for whom he professes and provides.

Once he says he cares about you, you are a prized possession to

him, he will do anything to protect that prized possession. If

he’s hearing you argue with a bill collector, he’s going to say,

“Who are you talking to? Let me talk to him right quick.” If

your ex is calling and bringing drama in your life, your man is

going to talk to him about it. If he sees your kids are cutting up

and getting out of hand, he’s going to talk to them, too. In

other words, he’s going to be providing protection and leadership

for his family because he knows a real man is a protector.

There is not a real man living who will not protect what is his.

It’s about respect.

I’d argue that this is most certainly one of the key things any

woman wants in her man, because it is what girls have been

raised to expect—that they can count on the most important

men in their lives to go to battle for them, and keep them safe

from all harm, no matter the cost. I think you all know this so

well that you take great care in letting a man who loves you

know when someone’s been a threat or danger to you, because

you know that your man—whether he be your father, brother,

uncle, husband, or lover—is going to do everything in his

power and then some to defend your honor. Maybe even hurt

somebody, despite the consequences. For instance, you probably

don’t really want to hype what’s going on down at your job

because he might head down to the job and have a few words

with your boss if necessary. And we all know that would not be

a good situation.

I remember one time when my mother was at home and the

insurance man came by looking for some money my mother

didn’t have. My father was at work, so he didn’t actually witness

this man come to our front door and say to my mother, “The next

time I come here, you better have this money or else.” My dad

got wind of the situation from one of my siblings, and when he

asked my mother what, exactly, this man said to her, she hesitated

and hemmed and hawed for a long time before she finally

broke down and told my father about the exchange. She didn’t

really want to tell him what went down because she knew my

father would snap. When he finally had the information he

needed, my father came to me and asked what time the insurance

man usually shows up, and I told him. And the next time

that man came by the house, my father was there waiting for

him. I’ll never forget the image; that man never made it past

the back of his car. When we looked out the window, my father

had that man bent over the car with both his hands on that

man’s neck. “If you ever say anything disrespectful to my wife

again, I will kill you,” he said. Now, that may seem a little extreme,

but this is what real men do to protect the ones they

love.

Protection isn’t just about using brute, physical force against

someone, though. A man who truly cares about or loves you

can and will protect you in other ways, whether it be with

advice, or stepping up to perform a task that he thinks is too

dangerous for you to do. For instance, if it’s dark outside, he

may not want you to put the car in the driveway or walk the

dog by yourself because he fears for your safety; in this instance,

he’ll move the cars and walk the dog himself, even if he’s just

off a double shift, so that you can be inside where it’s safe. If

you’re walking by someone who looks like he might be a threat,

a man who loves you is going to protect you by putting himself

between you and that guy as you walk by so if he tries anything,

he’ll have to get through your man before he so much as

lays a finger on you.

My wife, Marjorie, still cracks up when she thinks about

how I “protected” her on a recent joint fishing and diving trip

we took in Maui. See, my wife is a certified scuba diver. I am

not. When we got out on those choppy waters of the Pacific

Ocean, I couldn’t help but feel like something was going to

happen to my wife down there, and I wouldn’t have any way of

protecting her. Nonetheless, she put on all the equipment and

began to descend into the water. I got antsy and immediately

started lighting up cigars and walking around the boat explaining

to the dive masters that “this one has to come back.” By the

time she was actually under the water, I’d told my security guy,

who can’t scuba dive, to put on his snorkel and get in and keep

an eye on her. I’d also told everyone onboard—from my manager

to the captain—that “if my wife is not back up here in

thirty-five minutes, everybody’s putting on some suits and

we’re going to go get her.” The guy leading the expedition said

as nicely as he could, “Sir, everybody can’t go down to save one

person,” but his words meant nothing to me. “I’m telling you,”

I said, getting a little more jumpy with each word, “Either everybody

goes down there to save her, or I’m killing everybody

on the boat. This boat goes nowhere without her, and if it pulls

off and she’s not on it, that’s it for everybody.”

My wife must have sensed something was up because suddenly,

she was back above water. She knew that I was acting up.

And rather than dive, she returned to the boat, because she

knew how nervous I was about the whole idea of her submerged

under water where I couldn’t act on my natural instincts to

protect her; she figured it was better to sit that dive out. She

understands that primal need I have to make sure nothing bad

happens to her. Marjorie is a pretty adventurous girl, but she’s

cut out a lot of that stuff—the diving and parasailing and such—

for that very reason. I finally get the woman of my dreams and

while she’s out having fun the parachute wire jams and next

thing I know she’s flying into walls, or she’s diving and the

scuba tank doesn’t work? Her life is in jeopardy and I can’t do

anything about it? No sir. Nope. No more of that. My philosophy

for having a good time is that you have to have a good time

and return home in one piece so you can tell everybody about

your good time. My wife doesn’t trip about this; she just says,

“Thanks for caring, honey.”

And I do care about her, so my DNA screams out to me to

protect her and provide for her and profess about her in any way

that I can. This, by the way, is how our fathers did it, and their

fathers, and their fathers, too—to the best of their natural ability

and with the help of God, even in the most adverse times

when protecting and providing and even professing were neither

easy nor, in the case of black men, allowed. We’ve lost sight

of this—stopped demanding it from our men. Maybe it’s because

there are so many women left to raise their children alone, or

maybe it’s because there just haven’t been enough men teaching

our boys how to be true men. But I firmly believe that a real

woman can bring out the best in a man; sometimes we need

only meet a real woman other than our own mother to bring

out our best qualities. That, however, requires something of the

woman; she’s got to demand that every man stand and deliver.

On the radio show and in my everyday interactions with my colleagues

and friends, I constantly hear women say that there aren’t

any good men and complain about all the things men won’t do.